All Hallows’ Eve is nearly amongst us. The final celebration of October, a month dedicated to monsters, ghosts, and killers (amongst pumpkins, candy, and sexy costumes). Every time the leaves start to change my mind begins asking the same rhetorical question, over and over. What is the scariest movie? Spoiler - there is no answer.

Nonetheless, I go over the usual suspects, rewatch and review: Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Exorcist, and so forth. I ponder 2016 films like The Conjuring 2 or my new favorite, The Witch. But in the end I always come back to a film about a troll. That’s right, Ernest Scared Stupid. You see, I was about 8 or 9 years old when I saw this 90s gem and it scared the s*** out of me. It literally scared me stupid. I remember I couldn’t sleep for days. I was obsessed with fear. Things no longer made sense. I was tormented by that friggin’ troll.

It wouldn’t be maybe 3 or 4 years later when I would see Regan float above her bed (while watching TV alone at night) and not nearly be as affected. A couple years later I walked home through the woods, after sneaking into a showing of The Blair Witch Project - unphased.

So what gives? Why was I so scared of… an Ernest movie? On the surface, when you re-watch Ernest Scared Stupid in adulthood it’s immediately laughable - like really? I was scared of that?!

I figured there had to be others like me in this paradox. So I took a closer look and found out why (in no particular order) I was so scared. I call it The Trantor Effect.

One: Trantor’s Voice Changing Abilities

One of the local schoolchildren, Joey, is heading home through the woods (which are creepy AF, by the way) and falls into a muddy hole. Luckily his pal Ernest calls out to help - except when Joey looks up it’s not Ernest, no, it’s Trantor the demonic troll SPEAKING in Ernest’s voice. Bye Joey.

Later on, Trantor uses Elizabeth’s voice (who is a wooden doll by this point) to trick her friend Gregg into his demise, not before taunting him with her voice while he tries to escape. That’s demented.

Seemingly, Trantor can mimic any voice and he inherently knows the voices of those you trust most. How unsettling, am I right?! Think about it.

The Trantor Effect: If you can’t trust what you hear, what else can’t you trust? You can’t trust anyone. Even your thoughts could betray you.

Two: Trantor appears in Elizabeth’s Bed

While Kenny and Ernest are out setting up troll traps - little girl Elizabeth gets ready to go to sleep when there’s a noise under her bed (they really build the suspense here well too). Alas, there’s nothing underneath except her teddy bear. Relieved, she lies back down, snuggling up with the teddy bear she opens her eyes. Trantor’s grinning, gooey troll face is right there POINT BLANK.

Okay, let’s look at this. Her parents are home and probably awake. The light is on. How did he get in? He’s in her bed and she didn’t even notice. Is there no safety from trolls as a little kid? They can just appear in your bed as they please without making a noise?! All my 8-year-old brain took away here was that this is no safety anywhere; it’s futile to think the troll won’t get you.

The Trantor Effect: If you aren’t safe in your house, in your bed, with the lights on, then nowhere’s safe. You’re in danger everywhere.

Three: Trantor Turns Rimshot into Wood.

You heard me right. Trantor get’s Ernest’s dog, Rimshot, and turns him into a wooden doll like he does with the kids (not to worry - Rimshot is returned back into a living dog in the end). But still! Sure, people always bite the dust in a horror movies - but never the dog (Research shows that the audience reacts more to the killing of a dog than that of a person). The dog is just supposed to run away. Alas, Rimshot shows no fear and backs down from nothing. He is also apparently more intelligent than Ernest. Still gets caught.

So where are we? You can’t even be in your bed with the lights on, with your parents in the house (can’t call out to them, might be Trantor), with your dog and be safe. Horrifying.

The Trantor Effect: Nothing is sacred. Nothing is spared. Not even man’s best friend - so especially not you.

Four: Nobody Believes You.

Right from the beginning, and throughout the majority of the film, the Schoolchildren and Ernest are never taken seriously by the adults (the only adults that do only pretend do so in order to dupe Ernest into buying fake troll catching equipment). Even if you have an adult on your side (granted Ernest is a man-child), the adults don’t care.

The Trantor Effect: You are alone in your fear. No one will believe you; in fact, they will think you’re crazy if you tell them. Are you crazy? Anyone that does help is only helping for profit, and their help will do more harm than good. There is nothing you can do.

Finally: Trantor himself.

If it isn’t clear by now - the most terrifying part of Ernest Scared Stupid is Trantor himself. He is, in fact, an invincible demonic troll with super strength and no empathy who can live hundreds of years and wants to painfully turn you into a wooden doll. He looks horrifying. He can change his voice to sounds like those you trust most. He can disappear and reappear, without a noise. He’s not above hurting a dog. Traps can’t get him. He’s terrifying.

Trantor deserves a closer analysis. Luckily, Mark Hofmeyer @mhofmeyer, at moviepilot.com did just that and gives us 5 reasons why Trantor himself is the scariest character ever. Disclaimer: I did not know of or read Mark’s Ernest Scared Stupid post prior to writing this. Scouts Honor. While similarly named, they are not the same and work well as complimentary pieces.